I spent many minutes wondering how to properly convey this person and their influence on me. I happen to be a strong believer in the chosen family; there are those in the world who are meant for you outside your bloodline. I happened to be lucky enough to find someone I fit with so strongly that it was almost instantly familial, though he lived halfway across the world in Seoul. Through a culture barrier and many miles in between us, he established maximum importance in my heart. His influence on me is astounding; he has completely flipped my mindset and especially my view on life. He taught me more about struggle, love, emotion, and life itself than anyone that’s ever crossed paths with me. Less than a month ago, he committed suicide, and the brightest wildfire I ever knew went out. I spent many minutes wondering how to properly convey this person and their influence on me. I’ve now decided to just elaborate on the impact of the most enamoring being I’ll ever encounter in my lifetime.
In the time it took to know, love, and lose him, I have grown and changed in countless ways. I never truly noticed, in others, the transition between adolescence and adulthood. I thought getting a license and being able to care for yourself was the extent of being an adult. I realize now, the difference between the two. Adulthood is a new perception, a new responsibility, a new maturity, and of course, a new mentality. I’ve learned how to be more driven, focused, and open minded. I’ve started to notice the beauty in the smaller things, and am now able to see the positivity in the sky. I’m able to identify the undeniable strength that lies in what is usually perceived as weakness. Because of him, I’ve learned to be a listener, to observe the world around me. I’ve acknowledged that I have accomplished a lot of things up to this point, but also that I will not console myself using other people’s standards. I will not settle for the reality that in someone else’s eyes, my life is full and reflected nicely. Because of him, I have come to realize that I will never give up on confidently finding my dream.
He’s changed me, and his influence on me will be forever. He will always be my fondest memory, and he fought as hard as he could, he did well- he really gave it his all. I know now, because of him, what it is to truly love and the searing pain of loss. I know now, that rather than time being medicine, and healing all wounds, it covers things up, or buries them. One day, it will be possible to hurt less and remember more. I know now that things that are lost or have disappeared may not ever truly be gone if they are carried in be mind. I’ve learned that seasons will change and time will always pass, and to always work hard and do well. He is still the most beautiful, bright, mysterious enigma I will ever know. He is everything around me. As always, I need you. Thank you for being the greatest experience of my life. I am eternally different.